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What you say and do impacts your children's reactions to divorce

Understanding that life doesn't always go as planned may be a key factor in helping you to have a positive mindset as you look ahead toward the joy of life after divorce emancipation. When you got married, you no doubt thought (and hoped) that your marriage would last a lifetime; however, as soon as it became apparent that wouldn't be the case, you focused on making the best of a bad situation and helping your kids do the same.  

Children are generally very adaptable by nature. While they may experience sorrow, worry or other negative emotions when you inform them of your impending divorce, it doesn't necessarily mean they will never rebound. In fact, there are several things you can do, as well as certain situations to avoid, that can help your children adapt to their new lifestyles, and these things can also help you achieve the best settlement possible.

It all begins with 'the talk'  

When you gather your children to talk about your divorce, it's always best to be honest and upfront without burdening them with details that are best left between adults. Children are often strong but can become stressed or confused if they feel caught between their parents' disagreements or even worse, think they are to blame for the situation. 

Verbalize your love  

It's easy to assume that you children know you love them. When it comes to providing support and encouragement to them as you navigate divorce, however, it's even better if you tell them you love them and do it often. Reminding your kids that you are there for them and that they can come to you to share their thoughts and emotions helps them come to terms with your divorce in as healthy a manner as possible.  

Keep negative comments out of kids' earshot  

Even if you are angry with your former spouse or feel the need to vent while going through the divorce process, the less you speak negatively about the other parent in your children's presence, the better. Children often experience high levels of stress if they feel wrong for loving both parents or feel pressured to take sides against a parent.  

Forge a unified front  

Your children will fare best if they witness their parents' willingness to cooperate and compromise for the sake of their best interests. While you and their other parent may have some issues to work through in private, your kids will likely do well if they have ample time with each parent and can rely on each of their parents to do what's best for them.  

Resolving problem issues  

There may be times when you feel unable to solve a particular divorce or custody issue on your own. The good news is that there are support networks and experienced Board-certified Family Law expert attorneys available to provide counsel and legal representation when needed.  

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